Sunday, November 4, 2012

The Days I Want To Cry

It's all my fault when I want to cry. No lie. Yes, all first year teachers go through those emotions, but I burnt out and stopped doing what was keeping me sane -- planning.

I love planning, but teaching is a whole nother level. It's non-stop, everyday. But let me tell you, when I've planned for the day, the day is amazing -- no matter the lessons faultering steps.

The problem is when I'm not feeling planned for the next day. I was just about to cry a couple of hours ago on the phone with my best friend from home. "Boohoo, I miss you, I love you, and I just want to hear your voice and see you."

Ultimately, I wanted to cry because (yes, I missed her) I wasn't feeling adequately planned for the morrow.

Now that I have spent the last 25 minutes really prepping for tomorrow with a better vision of the lesson -- I'm happy. No need for the wine bottle.

I just need to realize that I need to up my game to do what I was doing at the beginning of the year that made me love my job. Prepping for the days adequately and looking at each day as a chance to break ideas down.

I don't really have many behavioral issues anymore. Occasionally, yes. All the time, no. I've controlled them and set those standards -- even my principal has complemented me on staying firm.

Unfortunately, I peaked out on the LPing. I no longer sit for 4 hours to plan 4 LPs with powerpoints and all. I leave the powerpoints and exit tickets to the night before and I start to feel inadequate.

My goal is to change what I can control and to better what can be bettered. If you identify the problem, you're more likely to succeed and I'm aiming to enjoy my job again.

Sincerely, Previously-Disillusioned First-Year

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